Kelli's JournalThursday, April 10, 200310:44PMhmm it's getting kinda hard to write in here lately...I'm not ever in the mood. Oh well, I Current music: The ramones - Blitzkrieg Bop Sunday, February 23, 20032:09AMyesssss finally! My computer has been fucked up for almost a week and I haven't been able to write in lj at all. Its been soooo frustrating. Anyways, I'm back and I have lots to say but its super late and I have to work inthe morning. winter break has been awesome, I had a blast for the most part. The trip to Calgary was awesome, got some new clothes, blew $400....ugh. I'm spending way way too much money lately. I got my bank statement and I mad almost $700 last month and spent more than that. I looked at what I bought and I wasted so much. I'm trying to save at least $200 every month, by fall 2004 I'd have over $3500 extra saved, on top of my $2000 I have now. I'm going to need money while I'm in school...so yeah, NO MORE WASTING MONEY!!!!! and NO MORE EATING! I actually did good for today, total intake: 700 about, I worked 8 hours though and have been up since 9, its after 2 now...I've only slept about 20 hours in the last 4 or 5 days now...yuck. Whatever, I hate sleeping. I can't see how all my friends sleep until 3 inthe afternoon every day when we don't have school. Thats such a waste of a day I think. Current mood:  hyperCurrent music: take the long road and walk it - the music Thursday, February 13, 200311:17PMARRRRRGHHHHH I FUCKING SUCK! I purged today. 3 times. I didn't eat that much, normal people food in small protions. But I am sucha failure I purged. Ewww I almost made it an entire week. FUCKKKK. Starting all over, fasting, no purging, I will never purge again! Its so gross and not effective and dangerous. So total cal intake for today: counting purged, 1200, after purged foods, 300 or 400 maybe, I purged most of my food up today. I ate a lot of candy though, bad bad bad. Tomorrow is V-Day, no bf so its gonna suck. I bought Valanetines to give out to people, they're soooo cute :) We have dance too but I dunno if we're going or not. I don't know of any parties or anything so we might go just for something to do. I cant wait until schools over tomorrow cuz we'll be on mid-winter break. Woooohooo. Current mood:  irritatedCurrent music: all the things she said - t.a.t.u. Wednesday, February 12, 200310:05PMhmm I don't really have much to say tonite..I'm boring. Today was pretty uneventful...school, work, watched the bachelorette and the mole (i'm a loser). I have a math test tomorrow and I hafta go study for like an hour right away. I totally blew that physics test yesterday and got a 51%!!! eeeeeek. But it only counts a little bit so its ok. I'll do better next time. I really want to do good on my math tomorrow. I'm starting to stress about marks now that I'm taking grade 12 classes and all. I'm super glad we have a break next week...sleeping in and no homework for a while :) Current mood:  blahCurrent music: jamie - weezer Monday, February 10, 200310:56PMshort post tonite Current mood: stressedCurrent music: if i told you this was killing me... - the juliana theory Sunday, February 9, 20039:50PMI am sooooo tired right now I don't even feel tired. I make no sense probably, but its like this: I got a grand total of 45 minutes sleep last nite :O Yuck. My friend like went missing and I've been up since 4 trying to find her. I went to bed at about 3 but didn't fall asleep for a few minutes, so I slept less than an hour. And I worked all day, 11-8. I should have gone to bed right when I got home but I'm stupid and I didn't. I'm too tired to even notice I'm tired I think. I was such an idiot at work today, I messed up like a million times and everyone was getting pissed off at me. I'm so mad at Jen too, she "fell asleep" at rileys and didn't even call anyone and it was so icy out last nite. I imagined her like going with riley, who was really drunk, and hitting the ditch or something. She's so selfish sometimes I can't believe it. Her poor mom called me and she was like hysterical. oh well Current mood:  drainedCurrent music: here in my bedroom - goldfinger Friday, February 7, 200312:07AMI'm a loser! ahhhhhh I purged today. TWICE! I hadn't since last Saturday and I wanted to make it a whole week. FUCK ME I'M A FAILURE! I didn't eat that much each time, my total intake including purged foods is about 1500, I don't know if I include the food I purged or not. If not, then its about 700. I'm not going to bed tonite. I don't need sleep, I'm a machine. internet, exercise, homework, nails, exercise, homework, facial, exercise, school reading, exercise. That should take me all night. I'll be fine tomorrow, too tired to eat. I think I'm drinking tomorrow nite though, hopefully I can get away with faking cramps or something. I don't think theres anything exciting happening anyway. Not in this shit town. We might go to a town like an hour away to party with my friends cousin. That would be cool except I have to work Saturday morning at 10, and I don't know if I'd have a ride back into town tomorrow night. My friends might just stay the night. And I'm NOT driving up there! I hate going to big parties and not drinking. Current mood: pissed offCurrent music: PROVIDER - N.E.R.D. Tuesday, February 4, 200311:49PMwoops i haven't written in a few days.. Current mood:  optimisticCurrent music: yesterday - sum 41 Saturday, February 1, 200310:14AMyikes I got pretty messed up last nite...3 beer...2 shots...and a shitload of weed :O Good news is I stayed out until 5 and I was pretty goodwhen I came home so I didn't like fall down the stairs or anything. I didn't really eat much either like I usually do when I'm like that....I had a small piece of a baguette and a chocolate chip cookie. During the day I only had a pack of certs, another cookie, and a few wheat thins. Total intake: (food)400 alcohol: about 500, it was light beer, the shots were less than full. Oh well, I had a blast at least. And I don't work today so its all good. I'm going to the track right away and walking 5 miles. Hopefully its not too busy. I think theres another party going on tonite...I'm not to sure if I want to drink 2 nights in a row...I could go for getting baked again. I think Brett will be there :) Hmm maybe I shouldn't get too fucked up or I'll make a fool of myself in front of him. Not a good first impression. I think I'll have 2 beer or so just so I'm relaxed but not all gross and lush. I have tomorrow off too so it'll probably be another late night. Moms been pretty cool about a curfew lately. Current mood: thirstyCurrent music: california - phantom planet Thursday, January 30, 20038:23PMoh shit I just purged super bad...I did this morning too....yuck. I walked over 4 miles today at the track though :) And tonite I'm going to run around my basement and do a few thousand crunches and lift some weights. I hate the cycle I'm in...I know I can't lose weight like this but its really becoming more of a lifestyle. I wish it would stop but I don't know how. All I know is that I feel good after I exercise, purge, or eat barely anything all day. I feel like shit after I eat too much or haven't exercised in a few hours. Its crazy really. Everyday I say I won't eat, or won't purge, or won't exercise, but it doesn't work. I have no willpower. Whatever, I'm going on a liquid fast starting NOW and its going to last a long time. Theres no way I'm drinking this weekend if I've eaten anything. I have Saturday AND Sunday off so hopefully there's something going on so I can fast all day, drink a bit at night, and be hung over the next day and not eat! Haha I'm a sick girl. Current mood: bouncyCurrent music: drain you - nirvana Tuesday, January 28, 20035:21PMwhy am I so tired? I went to bed at 11:30 last night and I slept until 8:45, only waking up about 3 times through the night, which is really good for me. Maybe because I've only drank like 1 big cup of coffee all day, not my usual 3 or 4? hmm possibly. I'm drinking a litre of diet pepsi right now and going for a little nap soon, so I should be ok to go for a run tonite at the track. I WILL GO TONITE! I have really nothing else to do and I need some exercise after how much I ate in the last few days. Todays intake: about 700...if it wasnt for those fucking cookies only like 450 or so. Shiiiiit. I vow not to open that bag of cookies, or any other bag of cookies until I'm at my goal. Coffee, diet pepsi, water, one or two small solids a day. Tomorrow should be awesome though, I won't eat breakfast because we have nothing I'll want in the house anymore, for lunch I'll have coffee, then I work right after school so I won't have time to eat then. Then I'll come home after work and try anything and everything not to binge horribly, hopefully I can get away <400 for the day. And at work I'll burn a lot of cals on my feet for 4 hours. Coolio. Current mood: tiredCurrent music: rock star - n.e.r.d. Monday, January 27, 200310:38PM - soooo bored....well I didn't make it to the gym...I drove past the main doors and I saw tons of little kids and I assumed it was some big soccer game or something. As if I wanna walk on the track in front of that many people! So I came home and watched Joe Millionaire because I like it and I'm a loser. That annoying "Mojo" girl got kicked off so it was kind of a funny. The other girls are total brats but "Joe" is kind of an ass anyways. Yeah I'm totally into it :S Current mood: boredCurrent music: zwan - honestly 4:49PMtoday was the first day of 2nd semester grade 11... Sunday, January 26, 200311:01PMLong day today...woke up b4 my alarm and went to work early and worked about 7 hours...I was in a shitty mood all day. Current mood: blahCurrent music: fugazi - waiting room |
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